See A Little Light
by Shalan the Magnificent
Summary: Oneshot songfic A response to a question asked of me about my last oneshot posted Roasted Turkeys… why did Ryuken give up being a Quincy…my own twisted version slight RyuOC… you’ll see… Same universe as Twisting.


**Title: **See A Little Light

**Summary: **Oneshot songfic A response to a question asked of me about my last oneshot posted Roasted Turkeys… why did Ryuken give up being a Quincy…my own twisted version slight RyuOC… you'll see… Same universe as Twisting.

**Shalan's Say: **Uhm… I was… on sugar when I wrote this… I'm sorry for how weird it turned out… blame my beta's internet… it crashed on me the night I wrote this so I couldn't talk to her all night. TT.TT anyways… this should be a good piece…

**Disclaimer: **I Do Not Own Bleach… That Right Belongs To Kubo Tite… For If I Did… Orihime Wouldn't Exist…

&&&

_Stay alone in my room _

_every__ moment passing too soon _

_watch__ the candles burn into the night _

_fall__ into a dream_

Ryuken sat at the desk in his office, his glasses off, a wine glass in his hand.

"…_You gave up your heritage long ago __Ryuken__ Ishida… you are nothing compared to what you could have been…"_ the girl's words rang through his mind as he sipped from the wine glass. "_…at least Uryu is doing something with the talent he has been given…" _he nearly shuddered. He had known her before… he hadn't been able to place her before… but now… he picked up a picture of himself, his father and a red headed woman that held her fingers up in a peace sign. Now he knew.

"I gave it up because I couldn't raise a growing family… on the money it provided… which was none…" he spoke as he sensed someone behind him. A pair of arms wrapped around him, slight elbows resting on his shoulders.

_wake__ up and everything's the same_

_a__ second older but alone just like a child_

"You lie… you gave up your title because you were afraid… afraid of the power and the prestige it could have brought you…" her voice whispered in his ear and his eyes narrowed.

"You know nothing…"

"I know more than you think Ryuken Ishida…" she appeared on his desk, sitting there in her shinigami form. He knew her well now… he knew exactly who she was and what she was.

"I think you need to keep your nose out of other people's business Hasegawa…" he made to put the picture away but she grabbed it and pulled it out of his hand.

"Hmm… I remember this picture… we were good friends when we were young… you had a lot of talent…" she said thoughtfully and his eyes narrowed further.

_if__ you just give me a sign_

_to__ live and not to die_

"That was some show… you haven't told him anything about your past have you?" She shot him a look as she folded her legs to sit cross legged on the desk.

"Why does he need to know?" She retorted sharply and Ryuken stood up. "You haven't told him anything about what he is…nor have you told him anything about what he could be…"

"Kazumi…" he said her name and she stopped, wrapping her arms around her knees as she touched her thighs to her chest. "Sometimes… I wonder if you are even older than Uryu…"

"Sometimes I wonder if you ever weren't a coward… even now… you refuse to look at an aold ghost from your past…" her iridescent blue eyes narrowed.

_then__ I could see a little light_

_I could find some piece of mind_

"They called you… the angel of death… back then…" she looked away. "Because you killed anyone who stood in your way… Uryu stood in your way… but you didn't kill him… why?"

"That is a twisted tangled web of strange coincidences that I don't want to go into…"

"Is it because he looks like me?" Ryuken continued to look out the window. He could almost hear her tense.

"Once again… I can't tell you that…" she replied and rested her chin on her knees.

"You just gave me your answer… but you love him…" she nodded at his last words. "I loved her… I wanted to give her a better life than one that a Quincy would have…"

_I don't know where you are_

_maybe__ near or maybe far_

_I just need a little light_

"You always say that… but… Ryu… you can't hide from it forever… I know you were afraid…"

"Just like you were terrified of my son…" she looked at the ground.

"I wasn't scared of him… I hated him for what he stood for… what he represented…"

"Aren't you worried… that once he finds out about your past that he's going to leave you?" He continued to stare out the window.

_hear__ a clock ticking _

_on__ a life that could have meaning _

_if__ I could find the love light in your eyes _

_see__ a million people_

"Why are we talking about me Ryu? Why can't you talk about yourself for once in your life? This is me we're talking about… I watched you grow up…"

"You grew up with me…" he corrected and looked at her over his shoulder. Her face tinged pink and he could see it through the darkness. "Hmm… you still blush at every little thing…" he turned back to look out the window.

"Ryuken…" a hand touched his back. "You are going to have to face the truth at some point in your life…" she told him and he turned around to look at her. He nearly towered over her, she noticed this, he was slightly taller than Uryu. "You've grown since I last saw you…" she folded her arms.

"What's the truth Kazumi?" his eyes bored into hers and she stared back. "Yes… yes I was terrified of that title… being the last of anything… is a terrifying thought…"

"Ryu…" her eyes dimmed and he frowned down at her.

"You should know what it's like… you're the last of your kind… the last pure shinigami… or have you abandoned that title as well?" She looked away from him. "You and I are merely shadows of our former selves…"

"You know nothing…" he froze as her voice darkened. "Ryu… I am more powerful than I was then… far more… and you are too… but I still carry my titles… and my sins on my back… where they belong… you have given up the title that you were the heir to…"

"Your sins…" he eyed her. "Am I included in that category?" Her face flushed scarlet. "Ah… so he doesn't know about that either… you sure are a secretive one captain Hasegawa…"

_everyone's__ so lonely _

_but__ we don't have to be alone tonight_

"You're transparent…" she replied and he lifted his eyebrows.

"How's that?"

"You're jealous of your own son… because he had the balls to take what you didn't…" suddenly she found herself slammed up against one of the bookcases.

"You think I'm jealous of him?" His eyes flashed and she nodded her head.

"I know you are… I know you better than that Ryuken…"

"Maybe I am… maybe I'm jealous of my son because he did take the things I didn't…"

"Including me?" Her voice was low, teasing, grating against his mind. She was teasing him on purpose. His icy eyes narrowed and she smiled lightly, her heart racing.

_then__ I could see a little light _

_I could find some piece of mind_

"Including you…" he said softly, low and almost possessive.

"I thought you loved her…" she captured his eyes and he let go of her, walking back to the window as she righted herself.

"I did… in a different way… than I loved you…" he sounded nearly hesitant. She looked down and away, fingering the engagement ring around her finger.

"Ryuken… you didn't love me… you wanted to love me… because… I taught you…" she looked off to the side.

"Of course I wanted to love you… you were beautiful… you were smart… you were untouchable…"

"But you broke the spell didn't you?" She said slyly and his look darkened. "You broke the charm that said… you couldn't touch me…"

"And I did…" he nodded as she looked at the ground.

"Yes you did… and I never forgot…"

"Then that was why you didn't speak to me… after I introduced you to her…"

"She was the replacement… for something that you could never replace…" Kazumi told him and he ducked his head down.

"Yes… yes she was… because you… were out of touch for me…" her hand touched his back again.

_I don't know where you are _

_maybe__ near or maybe far_

"Because of what we were… because of the divides that still existed during that time…" her hand traveled down his arm to his hand and she tugged his hand into hers, gently wrapping her hand around his. "I always… blamed my not wanted to see the Quincy… on my past… but I think… it was because of you…" her eyes dimmed as he brought her hand up and pressed his lips to her skin. "Ryuken… I'm marrying your son…" he left his lips against her hand for a few more seconds then pulled it away.

_I just need a little light_

"It wasn't meant to be was it?" He looked down at the shinigami captain.

"No… it wasn't meant to be…" she told him. "We would have been together already… if it had been… because I thought I loved you then…"

"My son makes you happy then?" She nodded her head. "At least I know… he will be well taken care of…"

"Did she make you happy?"

"I'm not sure…" he looked out the window as his fingers laced through hers, not wanting to let go. "I don't think… I could ever be as happy as I had been all those days… and nights training out in the woods with you…"

"I was afraid you would say that…" she hung her head slightly.

_if__ I could see a little light _

_if__ I could find some piece of mind_

"You feel no remorse…"

"I love him Ryuken… I know you don't want me to… but I love Uryu… I loved you at one point… and part of me still does… but…" she squeezed his hand. "I love him… more than life itself… more than any power that I possess…"

"That's good… I wouldn't let him go to you if you didn't…" he let go of her hand and his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her hip against his. She leaned her head against his shoulder.

_if__ you just give me a sign_

"Ryuken… what do you think would have happened if you would have kept your title?" She looked up at him.

"We could have been together…" he stared out over the city. Her eyes dimmed again.

"Stop dwelling on the past…" she told him. "It was a rhetorical question…"

_I could see a little light_

"It sounded like you wanted an answer…" he pulled her a little closer and she relaxed against him. Polo. He and Uryu were more alike than they thought.

"You two… are very similar…" she told him.

"He's more like his mother…" Ryuken sighed. "And more like his grandfather…"

"He got your personality… maybe he chose a different path than you… but he still has the loyalty and dedication that you showed me…" she placed her hand on his, closing her eyes.

"I quit… because I was ashamed of what I did…" he confessed and she looked up at him.

"What do you mean? You helped people…" He looked down.

"No… I was ashamed of it… because I felt like… I was helping people who died… instead of people who lived… I don't particularly know how to explain it…"

_I don't know where you are_

_maybe__ near or maybe far_

"Because there is no explanation for what you did…" she told him and he sighed.

"Are you still not going to tell him about the past?" Ryuken asked softly and she shrank a little, fitting her body against his to rest the back of her head against his chest.

"No… No I'm not… the past is the past… he doesn't need to know anything… I love him… but trying to explain our past and explain my own past… would be too much… for probably even you…"

_I could see a little light_

"Back then… you were considered young…"

"Back then… I was your age…" she chuckled lightly.

_if__ I could see a little light_

"I loved you…" he said and wrapped his other arm around her as she looked up from resting her back against his chest. "I loved you then…"

"You loved her…"

"I loved her… but I loved you as well…" He said, looking straight ahead again.

"Ryuken… you and I… will always love each other… we're just not… in love…" she told him.

_I could see a little light_

"Kazumi… maybe… you should tell him…" he whispered and she nodded.

"I think you're right…" she sighed and felt his arms tighten around her. "Ryu…" she said softly.

"Yeah…"

"I think… you made a better choice staying with her… but you need to give your son more credit…"

"I can work on that…" he rested his chin on her head and closed his eyes. He was letting her go… and his title with her…

_stay__ alone in my room_

_every__ moment passing too soon_

_watch__ the candles burn into the night_

&&&

Uhm… that was a weird oneshot… it kinda made sense though… and I surprised myself… I betcha you all were expecting him to rape her or something… P yeah! Right! I'm not going to do that to poor Uryu… anyways… this one shot… gave me a great idea… since I only have one more chapter to post on Twisting in the Wind… I think I'm going to write Kazumi and Ryuken's past… that would be interesting… tell me what you think… maybe I can clear up why Ryuken REALLY gave up his position…

Oh and the song was See A Little Light by Belinda

Shalan


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